im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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