Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
