Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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