Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
