Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
