There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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