So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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