you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
whose ass print is on the piano?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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