you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
