He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
