remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
