nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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