i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
farters have to be the big spoon...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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