imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
