I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
