the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
