listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
