Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
