im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize