Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
