chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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