I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
