his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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