woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
