I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
