I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
