Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
