I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
