"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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