she woke up with a sticky ear
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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