I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
