there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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