I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
