You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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