We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
