guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
