there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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