Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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