I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
