Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
