I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
