I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
