My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
