You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
