You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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