Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
