Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
