Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize