He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
