Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
