You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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