I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
