Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
