Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
