You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize