And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
