why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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