i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it hurts more in the daytime
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
