also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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