love makes seman taste better
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
