That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
