Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
