he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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